Fearsome Knowledge
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Bookseller: Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds? … Well, we do have that one, yes. (He goes and takes the book off a shelf.)
Customer: The expurgated version, of course. Bookseller: The expurgated version of Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds? Customer: Yes. The one without the gannet. Bookseller: The one without the gannet?! They've all got the gannet. It's a standard bird, the gannet, it's in all the books. Customer: I don't like them. They've got long nasty beaks! And they wet their nests. Bookseller: …All right! (He tears out the relevant page.) Anything else? -Bookshop Sketch by members of Monty Python (March 1967) My tenth-grade English class was right after lunch, and the memory still makes my stomach clench. The teacher was a gray-haired old lady with a barbed, contemptuous demeanor and a frighteningly quick red pen. (minus 2 points for spelling; minus a whole lot more points if she thought you were trying to be funny.) She was also an amazing freethinker, and probably the most radical person that I had met, up to that point. She made us read Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 – and I can still sing the Denham’s Dentrifice subway jingle the way that she did – and, more than that, I remember that she sang it to demonstrate the societal noise that distracts us from actually thinking. After that, she made us read Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-four… but that was not the book that gave me nightmares. “H. P. Love…craft?” one of the class loudmouths asked derisively. “Yes, it’s a book about the craft of making love!” she shot back with acrid sarcasm. Like an ancient goddess, the woman truly conferred both knowledge and terror. She clucked with disapproval when the class seemed to be ignorant of the existence of the Spanish Inquisition, specifically because it was such a staple of Monty Python fare – but I was at least keeping up with her in that area. Toward the end of the year, she assigned each of us to do a project on someone who had made a significant contribution to the literature of the western world. My historical figure was Henrietta Maria Bowdler, whose chief contribution was that she expurgated books. Bowdler was a censor who redacted portions of books, including the plays of Shakespeare, which she found to be immoral. Presumably, this was done so that upstanding citizenry of the approaching Victorian Era could then read the books without fear of scandal. Looking back from this distance, I can see a clear theme to everything in that English class -- it conveyed essential knowledge, even if the information was sometimes unpleasant. The entire thing was a brilliant and witty exercise in the rebellious and the subversive. Indeed, my teacher was so emphatic about freedom of speech and the press, she should have been a librarian. (Now those are some resolute advocates of freedom!)
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